When It’s Time to Let Go for Good
It’s difficult to get over the loss of a relationship. Difficult – no, excruciating. It’s as though a skilled surgeon came in and removed something vital – a necessary part of you; and now you have this empty, hollow space inside. Worse, you feel like you don’t even have control over your own thoughts. You find that your thoughts naturally go to that person, taking up so much of your energy; and you’d give just about anything to make it stop; to just feel some sense of peace; some sense of completeness again. Despite reading all the right books, talking to friends and going out and keeping yourself “busy”, you find none of it is working. You’re so busy trying to do all the “right” things, but with no change. It’s easy to feel helpless.
#1: Give Yourself Time
We have very high expectations of ourselves, don’t we? So, your relationship ended on Monday and you think that by the weekend, you’re going to be feeling so much better, after the initial hump – only to discover that it doesn’t work that way. You will find that you have good days and bad days, good mornings and bad mornings, good nights and long, difficult nights. And they will strike when you least expect. You’ll have a good few days, and then all of a sudden, without warning, you’re feeling blue.
Remember that you are not a superhero. You are human. It doesn’t take a few days to create a relationship, and it certainly doesn’t take a few days to move on from one. This is a process. Give yourself time to work through your feelings. Give yourself time to find out who you are, what makes you feel good. Try something new. Mainly, just be you. Over time, you will know where you want to go from here. You don’t need to know right this moment. When you give yourself the time you need to heal, little by little, you’ll find yourself ready to take on some new goals, to look in a new direction. It will happen.
#2: Honour Your Feelings
We spend a lot of time resisting our feelings, because we think they are wrong or negative, or maybe we’re just sick of the way we feel. When we choose to resist these natural emotions, we’re choosing to not express them. This causes them to become bottled up inside. It’s similar to shaking a can of Pepsi. Once opened, it’s like an explosion… If you bottle things up over a long period of time, your hidden pain will eventually manifest somehow. Your hidden feelings can lead to unconscious behaviour, to stress, anxiety, and to physical illness.
So given all that, is it such a risk to honour your feelings in the moment, and feel them when they want to be felt? You need to move through them at their own pace. I’m reminded of Eckhart Tolle’s A New Eart: Awakening to Your Life’s Purpose. If you are one of the few people on earth who hasn’t read this book, you MUST read it right now. As Eckhart explains, by resisting your primary emotion, you now have a secondary emotion of resistance; so in effect, you have two emotions you’re dealing with instead of one. Here you are, deeply saddened, and you choose to add resistance to the sadness to cover it up. Do you know how much work that is? Maybe you feel angry, but you won’t let it out, so you place the blanket of resistance on top. Yet, the anger is still there. You’re now dealing with anger and resistance. We do this all the time. Wouldn’t it be so much easier to just have the one emotion – the sadness or the anger, and deal with just that? Then, you can honour that emotion, by expressing itso you canheal and move on. On some level, we believe that by resisting our primary emotion, we are saving ourselves from it, but it doesn’t work that way. By using resistance, we are in for a long haul.
But I Can’t Stop Crying
Many feel they’ve cried and cried and cried, and just don’t want to cry anymore. It is taking too much out of them. “For how long do I need to cry?” The answer is as long as it takes. Let it out. Don’t resist it. Let all your feelings out in that moment, and then move on to something else. Expect yourself to have to run this course again and again. One moment, feeling at peace, and the next, angry. Move through that anger. Expect that you’ll need to repeat it.
The Fear of Disappointing Others
Some don’t want to disappoint their children, friends or other family members. They feel the need to put on a happy face, so their friends and familywon’t worry too much, or judge too much. I’ll tell you one thing right now – you are WAY too important to do that to yourself. You deserve the time to honour yourself and your feelings as they come along; knowing they will pass. This is a necessary part of your growth. You know when you’re on the airplane and they give you the safety dance before flying? What do they say? They tell you that if you’re with a child or someone who needs assistance, and the air pressure drops, put YOUR mask on first, and then assist the other person. This is because you are of no help to that other person until you are in a position to help them. So, how do you go about helping yourself? Ask for help.
#3: Hypnosis for Getting Over Your Ex
Using hypnosis for getting over your ex is all about removing the resistance, and finally honouring your feelings – whatever they may be. In all honesty, this is what I do in hypnosis sessions most of the time with my clients. There is this inner struggle within them, and I need to help them get past their self-imposed titanium walls of resistance. Those walls they thought protected them, in reality, just helped them to “get by”. Once we can take those walls down, there is always an emotional release. Sometimes it’s subdued, and sometimes it’s dramatic. But, one way or the other, it comes out. What happens next? The only words I can think to describe it are peace, self-revelation, self-honour, self-respect. What do my clients say? “I wish I had done this a long time ago.” “I can’t believe how free I feel.” They have a newfound sense of freedom within them that they haven’t felt in years. Sometimes, there is regret that they allowed themselves to live in resistance for so long; that perhaps they wasted a lot of good years. They are new people when they leave. “New” might not be the word; it’s more like they have finally honoured who they truly are.
What Can I Expect from Hypnosis?
Hypnosis can be very powerful and liberating. Through hypnosis, those memories that used to have such a negative stronghold on you, now will turn peaceful. Hypnosis bypasses your critical faculty of mind and allows new, supportive information to make their way to your subconscious. When that happens, you are able to make positive and lasting changes in your life.
Sometimes through hypnosis we discover that the pain we are feeling from this breakup, is not only a result of the breakup. That is not to say that the breakup is not painful in and of it’s own right. But, sometimes the feelings associated with the breakup act as a trigger in the subconscious to bring up hurt from other experiences. They could be from past relationships, or even from childhood. This is quite common. Through hypnosis, we access the subconscious mind and find the source to our true feelings. Once you are able to bring those feelings to awareness, it is like we’ve built a whole new foundation inside of you. It is truly liberating.
How Does Hypnosis Feel?
Hypnosis really is just a focused concentration. It is very relaxing, and you find that stress and tension seem to just melt away. You connect with yourself on a whole new level, and see yourself through new eyes. When you see yourself from this new perspective, you will find that others soon will see you from this place too, helping you to attract healthy and loving relationships.
Seeing a Clinical Hypnotherapist to help you come to terms with your true feelings, and building a new, solid foundation is the most powerful step you can take. Your increased sense of freedom will transform your thoughts, your mind and your life. You can also try self-hypnosis. I offer some recommended products at the bottom of this page that you can buy direct online for getting over a relationship.
#4: You’re Not Alone
There are many others out there going through a painful breakup. In fact, the divorce rate is hovering around 67%. Some dated a short time, and others were married for what seems an entire lifetime. Getting over a relationship is not something you need to go through alone though. I find that the majority of people who come to me for hypnosis to get over a relationship, are people who do not want to burden their families or friends. Chances are you know people, probably family members and good friends that have gone through a breakup recently. No one expects you to be a hero. Sometimes you just need someone to listen.
#5: You Are Amazing
I want you to know that you are an amazing person! And as you go through this process, you will learn so much about yourself. You have so much potential! You have the potential to love again and allow yourself to be loved. You have the potential to reach new goals! Yes, you had a relationship that didn’t last. But what have you learned? You’ve learned about your strength – the strength to be, to honour yourself and your emotions. You’ve learned that you are a divine being and worthy of peace and joy in your life. You will discover so much about yourself. And over time, you may find that the breakup ended up being a catalyst in your life to move you towards your dreams. Don’t resist that possibility. Honour where you are today, at this moment, knowing that you have so much to offer the world.
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